You and Me

On sleepless nights
Call me from
heaven

On days you lumber
Remember
I am there

Hopes if slaughtered
Look for my
Impressions

For i dont exist
If you are not
aware

If you dont exist
Then find me
Everywhere.

Jab woqt paas aye mera...

Kab ankh band ho
Ki phir kabhi na khule.
Sans aye ki phir na aye
Us din ka intjaar hai mujhe,
Jindagi door aur maut
Kareeb nazar aye.

Khwahish na thi
Hamein samandaron ki
Ik bund mayassar kar
Teri pak rahmaton ki.

Hosh koya yun
Tere aagosh main phir
Deedar diya na
Kyun Alaah?

Tu gareeb nava
Phikra kar is rakibi ki
Ye dunia teri kab
Humdard fakiron ki.

E- parwar digar
Ye inayat kar mujh par
Mere maula mujhe de
Rahmat'e nazar.

Jab woqt paas aye mera
jholi main teri Inaayat ho.
Jami ban jaye khuda
Aur asman ...Alaah ho.!

जब जब मन कान्हा ध्यान धरे...

जब जब मन कान्हा ध्यान धरे...

कान्हा का तन
कान्हा का मन
चिन्ता सब
चितचोर हरे

मुरली की धुन
श्ववण मधुर सुन
चन्चल अँखियाँ
मृग स्वर्ण हरे

अर्पण तुमको
गोविन्द कमल मुख
यह जन्म पृभु
कृष्णम् सुमिरे

Cuckoo's Call

Cuckoo's Call

A sole burned tree
neither shed nor
Grow its leaves

Blossoms robbed off
Nor branch so green
Or seasons await...

But Nature awakes
In Her solitary reign
And call for a change

Sulken shadow rugged elm
Straw build nest
But the soil fertile.

Loosing lies, greed or anger
Lofty desire but
Hope resides.

Cuckoo's call shrills thr'u
dusk nor dawn
In the darkest of night

Its a merrier time
Incense breathing morn
For knowledge sunshine...!

cuckoo's call is the voice of our soul which can b heard only when we are truly detached and our mind is stable in the stillness of solitude.

Gyan

Gyan

When i was a child-
I knew You
I could feel, touch and love You.
How happy i was!
Blissful serene and joyous...

Now i am an adult-
I doubt You
I question, debate and divide You.
How perplexed i am!
Tensed, aimless and lost...

I yearn to be a child again
O, Ignorance
I plead.
Bless me with your maya
For You are
The Mother...!

तकदीर का विधाता

उड़ते देखा है
आसमां के वाशिंदों को?
ये परिंदे नहीं अक्स हैं,
तराशे हैं मैंने
रात की सियाही से।
कलम थी किरणों की
और तख्ती तकदीर की।

क्यँू झुकाऊंँ मैं सर
किस्मत के दरवाजे पर?
खुदा की इबादत में जो
झुकता है केवल,
कह दिया कल उसने
फिकृ न कर
ऐ बन्दे,
तेरी तकदीर का विधाता
मैं नहीं तू खुद है !

Story of a Mumukshu-- the spiritual seeker.

Search search search
Till you exhaust
Fly to the heights of heaven
Seeker
With wings and breath
No more....


As far as i remembered, i didn't want to come. I didn't want to take birth. Who would want anyway to leave that blissful state which was beyond all explanations and words. How to go back there was the question that kept hanging in the outer and inner space of my entire conscious and subconscious being, not letting me abandon my quest from the very moment of birth and stretched through the whole span of my spiritual life.

In early days of infancy mother was the only solace i got. In her lap i always felt the divine love but swiftly came the childhood bringing with itself new horizon of different gods and goddesses. Having the blissful state of childhood ignorance the variety didn't bothered me much, in fact, it gave way to intense curiosity of knowing the differences well.

Krishna captured my imagination with His little pranks, colourful attire and giggling tales. Bholenath struck my inner cord with his blue throat, poisonous snakes and utter simplicity. Goddess Saraswati couldn't be avoided long as she gave me intelligence to compete in study and of course, Hamumanji and Durgaji too were always given a prominent place in our mandir. There were many more who conquered my heart and soul.

Returning from school one day, at the age of five, i saw the virat roop of Ramji with Sita and Lakshman.... i collapsed. Mother consoled me saying that it happened due to some weakness but it was an incident which neither she nor i could forget for ever.

Why Ram? This question never strikes me surprisingly till late in my thirties. But that incident lead me to search.... for what, i didn't know.

I was a generally happy child with no particular desires but with a seemingly unquenching thirst to know. Holy books, dohe, or shloka based on occult attracted my fancy. I tried to seek through science but soon was told it has its own limit. I prayed in front of Bhagwad Geeta to let me understand its divine wisdom. I read whatever i could lay my hands on but as the resources were very few it lead me nowhere.

Life took a new turn and as the karmic cycle was on full swing, one storm came after another. Each and every suffering drew me closer to God. Not a single moment left without His remembrance. Though my God's name changed according to my psyche but my soul always knew His omnipresent nature, so it never mattered much.

Years of sufferings broke the physical body but spiritual body was taking it as agni pariksha. It came out of the holy fire like hot gold ready to get moulded and then came the first teacher.  Nature had started shaping the sculpture... I learned practices related to Buddha then came in touch with an Indonesian saint followed by a Bengali yogi and then some more saints of different origins.

Now the fire was burning inside. Nothing could solace me. I was like a fish dying without water or
was like a lover whose love had disappeared. Night and day my whole being burned in spiritual
agony. The more i meditated the quench became more fierce making my faith profound and surrender complete. Ready to leave anything and everything to reach, on the path of spirituality, I was a mumukshu.

The dawn always comes when the night is darkest. When the spiritual fire almost burned me came the first shower of His fragrant blessings. Gradually the darkness of the horizon gave way to a new born shinning sun that filled the entire universe with its golden glow. The path turned into destination and the destination was within me....i was the fish and i was the water, i was the lover and i was the loved one. Krishna became Buddha and Buddha turned into Guru Nanak Dev. The whole existence merged into one Omkar ..... Naam and Roop lost their identity, the multiplicity merged into one reality, beyond the laws of time and space, all was One.

I came to know, this journey has no end because it has no beginning.

My experience

My experience with less trodden path (that is-dhyan)--

"And when you go deep in ocean you are afraid....waves are higher around the shore but then they are shallow there and here they are deeper.... churns you from within....its so vast the endlessness is diluting your already molecule like existence..... you are alone...now you know if you give up you will drown and you also are very much aware of your diminishing strength.....sun is about to set and water is getting colder.... no hope no light....

Dont give up....the cry that comes out now is pure and will take you to your destination fast...and believe me...its inevitable!"

I care!

To mend the broken dreams
And heal those bleeding hearts....
To voice staggering speech
And wipe off salty eyes,
No need to have or spare
millions...
If you dare....
Just say, "I care!"

Ek fasana

Jindagai ki kathin rahon par
asman nahi milta.
Hum khade rahte hain samandaro par
Wo jahan nahi milta.
Tair kar lahro par jana hoga
Rasta jo kathin hai wahi thikana hoga
Badhate kadam phir roke na jayenge
Tab jami na nazar ayegi
Asman hi tera fasana hoga!!!

Some precious thoughts

In the drama of life sometimes the stage is ragged, the role is shoddy, dialogues are forgotten, lights are poor, backdrop is torn.... no matter how hard you try, the audience is unresponsive.... you enact your last best part and the curtain doesnt drop when you wish.... all hope vanishes...and then someone claps! people gets up to give you standing ovation... you take your last breath leaving the stage for others to perform for the show must go on.....!!!


Surrender..... If you want to know Him ......for He knows the purpose of our actions and thoughts....until every small bit of our ambition, our desire, our dream is filled with His name....until we surrender our last worldly wish to His longing.... until  we hear in the silence of night the cry of our own heart.... until we turn our very soul into wet clay...... That Divine Sculptor won't chisel our life to His design!


There is so much written everywhere.... does anyone know the truth? That all questions ends where He prevails.... there wont be any trace of you or me.... this world turns into liquid... having waves and mingling in that vast ocean of Super conciousness... the drop being as powerful as the sea itself... sparks consists of the same properties of fire itself and lotus blooming as the sun itself... there cant be any end for there wasnt any beginning... it is absolute, omnipresent.... and mysterious to those who knows not and for knower it is.... Self.

An ephemeral world

An ephemeral world--

Strolling on a beach
Once
I looked behind to see
my own footprints;
Small yet precise -soft and fragile
They were mine!
 That filled my heart
A sense of pride-' i am me.'
The damp sea air, the fading twilight
A pungent smell and some broken shell-
It was complete
Myself and my footprint!

I walked to create more
Storing the image
till it ached n sore
Having a last look i left for the day
Promising to return
I could never be assured.

Reaching home tired at midmight
Exhausted on bed
with everlasting smile.
Before it closed asleep
A ray penetrated my eyes
Peeping from my window
Full moon was trying to hide.

Sinking heart missed few beats
It just realised-
On my secluded beach
There must be a sea with a roaring tide....
I knew before i sleep
 I have to recreate
Again n again
The world i left behind!


I felt this very strongly yeasterday that involvement into this ephemeral n perishable world made us forget the mighty sea-- the almighty God. By the time we realize the futility of our actions, its too late n then we have to relive, take rebirth, again n again.

Life is a book

Life is a book.... wide open..... for anyone to read and judge... everyone can become his or hers own critic..... choices are laid down..... nothing is hidden..... one can open chapters of ones own choice- no boundation..... one can start from the finish and finish at the start- weird yet perfect..... cover and pages signifies nothing- only the matter counts..... filled with the stories of tears and smiles, saints and satans- promises to never let the reader be bored.... how old it may be- rugged and dirty- its value remains the same- priceless- as even the angels need it to cross the finishing line!!!

Maya

With deepest feelings
i shall pray
Reconcile your maya
I am far away

A starry veil
Just half withdrawn
A silent gaze
Or a sultry yawn
All half truth
of a passing night
Babies of dawn
Who are born to die

Charm gives wings
And angel's shrine
heart went still
I dreamed
a misty wine.
Am i awake
Or asleep?
Its a magician's wand
That makes grass dewy
Of a forbidden lawn!

O Krishna

O Krishna!
I float with your divine flute,
I merge in your heavenly consciousness;
I try to abide by your rules.
I surrender to your judgement,
but i cant stay anymore....
O, Krishna !
Embrace me ...
Mingling my existence in your arms.
I cry for Thy mercy,
Librate me,
O, Blissful Soul !
From these mortal shackles... 

Arise, O soul..!

Rises the first ray in eastern sky...
Awakened birds leave their home!
Night has gone in the abyss of dreams..
Melted gold mellows the shore!
Heavens are calling, angels afloat...
Arise, O Soul! As the day has begun..!

Life..! I know you...!!

Life!
I know not
Your purpose your gain
Fragile
Like illusion
Uncertain Strange...

Emitting rhythm
Musical beat
Periodical stress
Then Rocky heat.
Bristled breath
And Stressful notes
Words get few
Muted pattern.

Nature's darling
time and space
Bounds of sorrow
And changing shapes.
Lost are those
Hopes to unveil
Sizzling fear
Restless waves...

Far from sun
This winter breeze
Hiding truth
Thick misty haze.
Not to find but
golden keys
Pushing hard on
Olden gates...

Night gets over
Dusky charm.
Tranquil grace
His mercy dawns.
Kindness showers
Abundent love.
Truth laid barren
To visionary soul.

Life!
I know your
Deceive race
Winner is shown
Mighty
Master's face...

Har pal.. Krishna..

Suraj ki kirno main
Sawan ke jhoolon main
Hansta hai wo khil kar
Bagia ke phoolon main

Sardi ki rato main
Patjhar ke patton main
Paya hai maine usko
Retile teelon main

Khilte hue bachpan main
Dhalte se yovan main
Dikhta hai wo bhujti
Barsaati ankho main

Yadon main, sanso main
Baton main, dhadkan main
Rahta hai krishna tu
Har pal mere...
prano main

A story... lil different...

A story... lil different...

Note- i jotted it down for our topic of discusion. "Celebrate- without excuse. "

I was dancing once when i was little and young and full of life! Why? Friends asked, parents asked, i was questioned for being happy! I said,"oh it is lohri (may be, actually i dont remember)." Fine, a good reason to laugh and dance too...

Then came the adolescence and i was dancing once full of vigour and trust and hope. Why? Friends asked, parents asked, i was questioned for being happy! I said, "oh i have left past and future is going to be bright." Fine, thinking of a premature brain couldn't be wiser!

I stepped in adulthood and i was dancing once with loads of energy, full of trust and enthusiasm. Why? Friends asked, parents asked, i was questioned for being happy! I said," Oh, i am not thinking of future anymore for i started living in present." Well, a very intelligent reason for permanent happiness. I was really happy this time!

I moved into old age and i was dancing once with intensity, full of grace and love. Why? People asked with curiosity. I was questioned for being happy! I said." Oh, i am paying gratitude to almighty for His benevolence." Well, this time a genuine reason beyond all doubts!

I departured. Dancing all through the journey with vigour, hope, trust and joy. Why? Dear ones asked with tears in their eyes. I was questioned how could they be happy in my absence.
 I said," Celebrate, dance and be happy ALWAYS. Cherish every moment as a gift of Lord. Surrender all your deeds to divinity... One day your mind body and spirit will dance in unity and your celebration will ...complete!" My answer needed no more explanation for i was ...arrived!

From Where I Began..

I wished for horizon

Like splash of cold water

In torrid desert;

A dream of oasis

But got nothing but cactus.

I yearn for destination

And found it still

Far away and stifling

Unquenchable thirst.

My feet got scarred

And vision fuzzy

But continued – I alone

For journey was crucial

Than the end itself.

Every time I opened

My eyes filled with dust,

Rubbed off and itched

Dried and red

I saw my destination-

Ahead and not far

Under my attempt

Falsely I thought.

I looked for nothing

But water in a desert

Was all I sought.

Some steps I took

With increasing force

Pushed my will and

Legs that ached.

The moment at last

Came and I grabbed

I reached-but

I was lost!

For all I saw

My own prints on sand

I finished my journey

To where I began!

Wandering in a desert

I ran for nothing.

Was it my vision?

Hallucination or fantasy?

A beam of light

Descended for me

Calling with love

Beyond words can see.

I begged of it

Tears running down the cheeks

Was I a failure?

An unaccomplished life

Couldn’t get a coup

Or achieve a gift

I tried – I pleaded

But failed indeed!

‘Don’t cry my love

You did it well.’

I could feel the words

Though my senses were dim.

‘Your body bear the marks

But treasured the soul

You have completed

Your circle

And journey finished.’

I was lifted upwards

To an oasis forever

Like a soothing splash

In torrid desert.

बचपन अनजाना सा...

For the children in Orphanage--

बचपन अनजाना सा...

रात की आँखों में
चाँद का सपना था,
परियों की लोरी और
तारों का पलना था।

छोटी हथेलियाँ थीं
सिंदूरी फूलों सी,
रेखाओं का जाला था
पराया पर अपना सा।

हँसी खिलखिलाती जब
मोती क्यूं गिरते थे,
बच्चे क्यूँ प्यारे प्यारे
बिन मात-पिता के सारे थे?

टूटी सी खिडकी से
झांकता बचपन था।
आँसओं के साये में
पलता यौवन था।

खेल औ खिलौने
गुडिया की शादी थी,
भूतों की कहानी
शैतानी नादानी थी।

मंदिर में मूर्ति,
झोले में किताबें,
श्वेत श्याम से सपने
गुलिस्तां सजाया था।

पर मैंने देखी
चुपके से...

तकिये के नीचे
धुँधली एक फोटो,
माँ की याद में
बहता एक आँसू !
जैसे,
पलकों के पीछे
संध्या की लाली..
जैसे,
काजल के नीचे
रेखा़यें काली....

कैसा यह बचपन था
जाना अनजाना सा ?
मन मान सका न जिसको
अपना, पहचाना सा...!

कृष्णा---एक पुकार

कृष्णा---एक पुकार

वो मुझमें समा जाये
मैं उसमें समां जाऊँ।
जग जगने से पहले
बंसी कोई सुन पाऊँ।

राधा हो संग मेरे
या कृष्ण ही बन जाऊँ।
मधुबन में मधु बन मैं
महारास बन जाऊँ।

या श्याम ही मिल जाये
या याद चली जाये।
पनघट के तीरों पे
नटनागर छवि अाए।

आँसू से गीले स्वर
कहीं कंठ ना रूंध जाये।
आँखें मुँदने से पहले
गोविंद गले लग जाये।

वो मुझमें समा जाये
मैं उसमें समां जाऊँ।
जग जगने से पहले
बंसी कोई सुन पाऊँ।

राधा हो संग मेरे
या कृष्ण ही बन जाऊँ।
मधुबन में मधु बन मैं
महारास बन जाऊँ।

या श्याम ही मिल जाये
या याद चली जाये।
पनघट के तीरों पे
नटनागर छवि अाए।

आँसू से गीले स्वर
कहीं कंठ ना रूंध जाये।
आँखें मुँदने से पहले
गोविंद गले लग जाये।